do better...

Last week, I submitted a Letter to the Editor for the first time. It was posted in the Caledonia Argus this week, but it wasn't posted in the online version, so I'm posting it here, too for anyone who wanted to see it but doesn't get a paper copy of the Argus. It was printed pretty much as I submitted, with a few small exceptions. 

1. My subject line was: Extremely poor taste
2. I addressed the author of the article - who is also the editor.
3. I included a foot note and they did not.

A copy of what was printed is here and I pasted my original below. 

______________

Subject: Extremely poor taste

Dear Ms. Bialkowski,

I'm writing to express that the front page article in the Caledonia Argus (http://hometownargus.com/2012/11/29/man-found-deceased-in-car/) regarding the death of Brandon Werner was, in my opinion, inappropriate. While I agree that the newspaper can use its platform to have an impact covering sensitive topics, such as suicide, there was no need to tie it to Brandon in such a public way. Your article demonstrates an utter lack of regard for his grieving family and friends both through its general nature and by stealing the words that his family intended for his obituary and remembrance, awkwardly placing them in the middle of your article–not to mention using only bits and pieces that tell an incomplete story.

Yes, I also saw your other post about the "bold leap" you made in choosing to report on it (http://hometownargus.com/2012/12/04/raising-awareness/). You are correct–suicide is a serious and sensitive issue. Helping people to see the warning signs, when possible, and providing ways to get help are both important and a service to the community. So by all means, report on this serious issue and raise awareness... but do it in a tactful way. Also, I suggest you learn the difference between a "bold leap" and a "completely insensitive article."  You had so many other options in how to raise awareness about this issue and you chose the one that hurts members of the community you serve.

Yes, Yes. I also saw Larry Werner's article (http://hometownargus.com/2012/12/04/folks-have-a-lot-to-say-about-suicide-2/). It's a good article that raises awareness of the issues. Perhaps you could have included the tips for prevention with his article and “raised awareness” in a more appropriate way. If you read it carefully, you'll notice that those speaking out about specific individuals who committed suicide are the members of the families impacted directly and who chose to speak publicly, not the reporters or newspaper editors. And, I'm not sure if you missed this part, too?

Don Heinzman, a columnist and editorial writer for ECM, has been working with our company for years on policies related to the way we cover the news. Don has spent more years in this business than I have, is a member of our editorial board and our company’s board of directors. He sent along the ECM policy on suicide coverage and said he thinks it’s the best way to handle this difficult subject.

The policy reads, in part: “Reporting of suicides requires greater sensitivity than deaths due to other unnatural causes such as drowning or murder. Suicides should be reported when involving prominent public areas or public figures.” (Caledonia Argus - Dec. 4, 2012)

I'm not sure what part of this situation was in a "prominent public area" (“vehicle parked in a field") or reporting on a "public figure." So, in addition to tactless and insensitive, it would appear that your article does not align with the policy set forth by ECM, your parent publishing company.

I may no longer live in the Caledonia community, but I care about it, my family that lives there, and Brandon's family. I can't speak for them, but I can speak for myself–and I'm really disappointed.

Brenda Kruse
Maple Grove, MN

p.s. One big difference between us is that I gave Brandon’s family an opportunity to see this before sending it. They approved. Feel free to print it.

CC sent via hard copy to:
ECM Publishing, Inc.
Corporate Office
4095 Coon Rapids Blvd.
Coon Rapids, MN 55433

Whoa - I'm kind of a whiner

It's Thanksgiving (tomorrow)! We have lots to be thankful for and this is the time of year to spend some time thinking about those things.

In the meantime, we're getting ready for one of the best parts... Thanksgiving dinner! A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Mom about the menu, and it went something like this:  

My Stuffing -
the sweet one with the raisins.

Mom: I think I might just make one kind of stuffing this year.

Me: Which one?

Mom: I was thinking the sage one.

Me: OK. I'll bring the other one... you know, the sweet one with the raisins.

Mom: You don't think the sage one will be enough?

Me: I don't want that one. I'll just make the other one.

I don't whine a lot about food, but when it comes to Thanksgiving and my stuffing, it's not a question. But, I'm happy to make it myself. (I'll admit - and appreciate - that mom started tonight, though... I'll finish tomorrow.)

Thinking all of the Thanksgiving food crises were averted, this conversation happened last weekend:

Best buns ever. (sorry, Mom!)

Me: Are we having buns from the bakery? (This isn't really a question... what I mean is: We will have buns from the bakery.)

Mom: I forgot to order them...

Me: It's OK. Can't we just pick some up there?

Mom: Maybe. I can try to go there over lunch this week. Otherwise, I was thinking I can get some at the grocery store. They are almost as good?

Me: What? No they're not. Not even close!

Mom: Maybe I will just make some.

Me: No offense - because you're the best cook I know - but no one can beat the bakery buns. Can't Dad just go pick some up in the morning?

Mom: Sigh. 

On Tuesday morning, Mom called me at 7:45 a.m. - and I could tell she was laughing and mocking me a bit - to tell me she picked up buns from the bakery. Another crisis averted.

The buns and the stuffing are the two things I can't seem to compromise on for Thanksgiving dinner. I think I'd even be OK if there was pot roast instead of turkey. Or cheesy potatoes instead of mashed. And I don't care what kind of salad or vegetable. I'll even live without pumpkin pie. Just don't mess with my stuffing and buns!

So, on this Happy Thanksgiving, I'm very thankful for my Mom who puts up with me being a whiner about Thanksgiving dinner. And to be fortunate enough to be having such a lovely meal with family who love me. And because I have great friends who are there for me -- and are super fun to boot.

Happy Thanksgiving! I'd like to know - what Thanksgiving foods will you not do without? What are you thankful for this year?

mean people suck

Yes, it's been about 6 months since I've last posted on here... I've been busy (blah blah) and I guess I haven't felt motivated that I had something interesting or important to write about that couldn't be covered in 20 words or less, or via photo on facebook.

That being said, tonight I am incredibly inspired. And impressed. And upset. And those things together make me motivated to write.

I went to educator night for the performance Mean by the Youth Performance Company this evening. If you're my Facebook friend, or a longtime reader (which, most of you probably are because most of you are probably my friends and family), you've likely seen posts from me about this show before because this is now my third time seeing it in the past 3 years. And, if they do it again next year, I'll go again.

I have no doubt that many people are now aware that October is Bullying Prevention Month, given the recent press about Jennifer Livingston (who, by the way, I applaud). Well, Mean is about this very topic and focuses on the stories of three teenage students who are bullied because of different things - weight, religion, and sexual orientation. In addition to those main stories, there are snippets from other students who talk about being bullied because they are poor, disabled, dyslexic, or they wear glasses, or are a different race. Periodically throughout the show, the lights dim and news clips of actual stories of teens who were bullied and, in many cases, of teens who committed suicide as a result of bullying are played - and it's a hard reminder that this is real and not just a performance.

Before the show, the founder of YPC explained to us why they decided to do this show. She told us that she would come to the office and hear the teens talk about something their "friend" did or said to them that was just horrible. And she wondered why they considered these people "friends." The tipping point was when she heard a story of a boy who, when he was biking home from school, was stopped by his "friends" because of a dispute over a video game - they poured rubbing alcohol on him and started him on fire. (getting uncomfortable yet? good. I'd be worried if you weren't.) She said she saw the mother of this boy on the Today show, saying that she would spend every extra moment she had to work to try to prevent this from happening to someone else... and encouraged those who have a platform to get the word out to do the same. And guess what? YPC had a platform. She went into the office that morning and told the team they were going to do a show about bullying and it was going to be called Mean, because that's what people could be.

The show was written by an alum of YPC who interviewed teens about their experience - and the things now depicted in the show are based on actual stories. The music is moving and wonderful, and the teens performing and singing are so amazing and talented. Three years later, they are doing their third run of the show and I'm glad I've been to each one. I think it keeps getting better and better.

After the show, there was a time for discussion and, because it was educators night, it was a bit of a different situation than they are normally in - where teens may be talking to teens. But here, educators had a chance to talk to teens. The teens are from various schools around the metro area; one student said he went to school online; a couple were in college; and one was a home-schooled student from Wisconsin. A very diverse group from different backgrounds. The teens talked about their own experiences being bullied. One girl said she was locked in a bathroom for an hour or two and no other students helped her. She had to wait for a teacher or administrator to come in and find her because no one told or helped until then. Another talked about the importance of listening if a child or teen tells you that something is wrong, sharing her experience of going through junior high asking for help, but no one believing her. These stories are heartbreaking and real - but I'm so glad they were so open with us because I'm sure it wasn't easy.

They talked about how doing the show has impacted them. A few of the students are from a local school that had a cyberbullying issue recently and, in response, a group of students started a twitter account that complimented rather than criticized. (Pretty awesome.) Others talked about how the experience made them aware that even the little things we say can have huge impact without us realizing and the need to think about what we say is so important. And, what maybe stuck with me the most on this topic was something an educator in the audience shared. She said that her school brought a group of students to the show last year; on the bus on the way home a boy was bullying a girl on the bus and she was crying. The best friend of the bully stood up for her to his friend and said "Didn't you hear what they just told us?!" So clearly this show has an impact.

So why am I so upset? Yes, I'm upset that bullying happens. But that's not the biggest reason I'm upset at this very moment. During the discussion period, people were asking "how do we get the word out? and how do we get more people to hear this message?" YPC shared with us that they recently had a school reserve 600 tickets for students at the school to come to a daytime showing of the show. Then, they asked to see a copy of a previous performance. And then, YPC was informed that the school was pulling their reservation for 600 tickets because they felt the content was inappropriate for their students because they objected to the portrayal of a gay character.

This is why I'm upset. What does this teach the kids and the community? If you think that ignoring or not exposing kids or teens to a character who is gay is going to somehow magically shelter them from the issue... get real. The reality is that kids (and adults) are going to be exposed, at some point or another to diversity, whether that's through sexual orientation, race, religion, disability, or any other number things. And that exposure is not going make them "catch something" that will make them gay or feel the need to convert to another religion. By not accepting the reality and not teaching kids that - regardless of your beliefs - you need to be respectful, kind, and supportive, it is promoting division and separation.

It's completely unacceptable to pick and choose in which situations bullying is ignored or wrong because the answer is pretty straightforward: It's never OK. And that is what we should be teaching. If you could have seen the YPC staff and the youth performers as they talked about this situation, it was clear how incredibly hurt they were by being told that the content of their show was "inappropriate" when the intention is to inform, help to begin really difficult discussions on a sensitive subject (successfully), and to promote an end to bullying.

On top of that, YPC is a nonprofit organization that does amazing things in the community and provides a number of not only performance opportunities, but leadership and education opportunities. Once you have a chance to hear from the performers in person, the stories blow you away. And to cancel 600 tickets that had been committed (you do the math) is a pretty big hit to a nonprofit.

I guess my point is this: mean people suck. But the performance, Mean, is amazing. I ask you to please support YPC  by going to see the show sometime before October 14.

Stand Up! (and bring a friend)